I often hear these complaints from my clients. Yet, some couples deeply enjoy their lovemaking with each other even in very long-term relationships. What are they doing differently than the complaining couples? Having worked with thousands of couples for the last 44 years, I'd like to share with you what I've learned about what keeps passion alive Neediness isn't sexy. By neediness , I mean that your sense of self-worth and sense of security and lovability are tied to how your partner treats you rather than to how you feel about yourself and to how you treat yourself. If your partner has to have sex with you for you to feel that you are okay, that may be a turnoff to your partner. Women especially want their man to be in their power -- not coming to them like a needy little boy. I've often heard women say, "When I visit my husband at work, I'm so turned on to him because he is coming from his personal power, but as soon as he gets home, he turns into a needy little boy and all the turn-on is gone. It's not just women who want their partner to have their own self-worth.


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Skip navigation! Story from Sex. Quite literally, slow sex is all about slowing down the action with your partner so you can be more present and mindful of sensation, with the goal of an overall more pleasurable experience. Slow sex has its roots in tantra and orgasmic meditation, but a common understanding of the term is really just being more connected to yourself and your partner during sex. Here to tell you all about it are Rena McDaniel , sex therapist and certified sexologist, and Vanessa Marin, sex therapist. Marin thinks of slow sex as an antidote to the overworked, frenzied lives so many of us live. And I think a lot of us approach sex in that same way. So giving yourself more time to relax from a purely logistical standpoint is crucial. This is especially true for women, simply because we take longer to climax.
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This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog on Feb 14, , and has been republished. Past sexual rejection or embarrassment about our bodies is often to blame for intimacy issues. Not to mention our culture and life experiences which have created feelings of sexual shame, making romantic and intimate sex scary to even talk about. In an online study of 70, people in 24 countrie s , researchers found several similarities in couples who have a great sex life. We also know that sexually satisfied couples are emotionally attuned to each other in and out of the bedroom. This tells us that the key to long-term happiness — sexually and otherwise — is for both partners to support and value their friendship.
Sometimes you're in the mood for wild, rough sex. For those moments, sink your teeth into these seven positions that up the romance factor like whoa. For a super intimate position that's also totally comfortable, have him sit on the arm of the couch. Sit on his lap, facing him, with your feet on the seat cushion.